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While it is painful to even think about, you’ve started to have this nagging suspicion in the back of your mind that your husband may be cheating on you with an escort in St Helens . Whether he heads out late at night to run ambiguous errands, comes back home and immediately heads to the shower, or returns home appearing to have already showered at a different location — these are the signs that led you to believe your husband may be engaging in extramarital infidelity with a St Helens escort.
What is important to know with this type of activity, in general, is that seeing an escort agency in St Helens is not usually one of the first steps of extramarital infidelity. If your husband has been, in fact, seeing an escort — there is a good chance that he has a history of unfaithfulness to one degree or another. As an example, before man would visit a local St Helens escort, it is likely that he has a history, generally a long history, with pornography in general. In addition to viewing pornography, there is also the chance that these men have used various websites, such as married but looking websites, adult chat rooms, escort websites, and so forth, before they have actually met up with an escort agency in St Helens .
However, because men who visit St Helens escort agencies oftentimes have a long history of deviance from their marital vows, online infidelity investigation services can help to uncover both the types of websites that your husband has visited as well as potentially catching them trying to solicit an escort.
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When you hear that an experienced sex surrogate partner is inviting you to learn about intimacy, compassion and sensual caring, what does that really mean? What is a sex surrogate?
By definition a sexual surrogate, or surrogate partner, is a professional who helps clients overcome sexual dysfunction. Most surrogates are women, a few are men and there are also married couples that practice surrogacy together. The general term of sexual surrogacy can involve varying levels of practice. Some surrogates work at counseling centers while others have their own office. Some surrogates offer additional services besides surrogacy such as telephone counseling or sexological bodywork.
The majority of surrogates you meet will have a strong educational background and legitimate credentials, dealing with sexuality, psychology and counseling. Surrogates should always be certified in their practices; this allows them to work closely with psychiatrists, psychologists, sexologists and therapists in the best interests of the client.
[Note: Throughout this text, the client is referred to as male. Though single men do make up the majority of surrogate clients, there are also female clients and married couples who seek out surrogacy solutions together.]
Indeed, there is a science to help sexual dysfunction. The cure is beyond just listening to a client's problems, beyond explaining the solutions, and certainly beyond sexual intimacy. A skilled sex surrogate knows that a combination of all three factors--that is talking, listening and demonstration--are necessary to truly help resolve a client's sexual problems beyond just a quick counseling session.
What kind of specific problems are we talking about? While a surrogate deals with many different types of cases in a year's time, there are many typical problems that come up. Some are psychological; men may have trouble with intimacy, a lack of confidence, communication problems with women in general, dating anxiety and sexual inhibitions. Others are physical dysfunctions that require more particular treatment, such as impotence, premature ejaculation, or an assortment of diseases that could cause painful intercourse. Sometimes there are people who have experienced a change in lifestyle due to a disability, and a surrogate can help them explore and develop sexual potential. The term of sexual dysfunction is very broad and what methods a surrogate might use to help improve sexual function are just as varied. Simply put, treatments must be decided upon on an individual basis by a therapist. What can cure one person of a particular sexual phobia might not help someone else. Surrogates know this and therefore must have very adept social and interpersonal skills.
This is why surrogates work closely with sex therapists. Since many sexual problems are psychological rather than physical, communication pays a key role in the process. Not only between lovers, not only between a client and his sex surrogate, but also between the surrogate and the therapist.
What does it mean when expressions like "personal contact", "sensual caring" and "adult advice" are used? Do sexual surrogates become sexually acquainted with their clients? How is it that sexual surrogacy differs from sexual advice or even "sex coaching?"
First of all, sexual surrogacy is not just about sex as a device. If you try and meet a certified surrogate and fictionalize a sexual problem just for your own entertainment, you're not going to get very far. Sexual surrogacy is about sexual, physical and psychological health. Remember that surrogates work closely with therapists or psychologists, ensuring that the problem is corrected and that the client makes significant progress. Instead of providing a man with a date, as would an escort agency, a surrogate would help men improve their social and dating skills, if the therapist agreed there was a problem. But surrogacy is not a sex business--it's a field of study, a professional practice, a source of sexual education.
On the other hand, sexual surrogacy would be more intense than just regular sexual coaching. Usually coaching, or other forms of adult advice, offers only head knowledge with no real resolution of the client's problem. Frankly, coaching seems appropriate for clients that just like to talk and are not quite ready to take appropriate steps to fix the problem. A sex surrogate, in accordance with a qualified therapist, would offer therapeutic exercises to help the client. This might include showing relaxation techniques, intimate communication, teaching social skills, and some sexual touching if the surrogate and therapist feel it's necessary.
In short, a sex surrogate is someone who helps people with their sexual problems. They don't just lend a sympathetic ear. They take action to help their clients through various sexual problems and restore a person's natural sex life to where it should be. They do this with help from a therapist, and of course, with help from the client who truly wants to make a change in his life and puts forth the effort to make those changes.
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Aging should not hinder older adults and seniors from having an active and satisfying sex life. Contrary to what most people believe, sex is not just for young couples. Everyone desires to feel loved and receive affection. In fact, a lot of seniors continue to be sexually active even after 80 years old.
According to recent studies, more and more seniors have reported an improved sex life as they age. While the body may not be as limber as it used to be, there are still a lot of ways you can have a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life. One must pay close attention and learn how to adapt to the changing needs of your body in order to make senior sex a little more pleasurable.
Here are some tips to make senior sex more enjoyable and satisfying:
Do not rush it. Take your time
Our body changes as we age. Seniors who want to continue to be sexually active need to learn how to adapt to these changes. When it comes to becoming aroused, it still pays to be patient and to take your time. It is important to allow yourself and your partner to build the excitement. Snuggling, hugging, kissing, massaging, and caressing will help you set the mood. Remember not to rush it. Take time to create a romantic ambiance and allocate more time -lots of time for foreplay in order to make sexual intercourse more pleasurable. Remember, if you want to enjoy and be satisfied, do it nice and s-l-o-w.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
Communication is key. The more you talk to one another, the easier it is for your partner to know your feelings, expectations and desires. Tell him or her what makes you feel good in order to make sex more satisfying and enjoyable. Your partner wants to please you as well, so he or she will listen to what you like. In most cases, talking about sex and foreplay can make you feel sexy and easily turned on. So speak up, don't be shy. Be direct.
Explore and be creative
Spice it up a notch by exploring more options that can help give you more pleasure like engaging in oral sex, masturbation, using sex toys and finding new intercourse positions. Be creative and experiment with different positions until you find the ones that will please you and your partner.
Learn to adjust
Because of the aging process, having sex can be challenging. This is due to all the physical, mental and emotional changes you go through. However, learning how to adapt to these changes will help make senior sex not only easier but also more enjoyable.
Age-related changes are different for men and women. For senior men, erectile dysfunction may be a problem because of the decrease in hormone levels. If this is an issue, talk to your physician about erectile dysfunction or other erection problems to get advice and treatment. If medication is prescribed, it is important to ask about possible side effects that may affect not only your sexual relationship, but your body as well.
For senior women, vaginal dryness may be an issue. If this is the case, don't worry. There is a wide-variety of over-the-counter water-based lubricants available for purchase, including those with different scents, flavors, colors, etc. Lubricants will help relieve vaginal dryness to make sexual intercourse more comfortable and pleasurable.
Stay healthy and fit
Eating healthy and exercising regularly are key ingredients that will help seniors look younger, feel better and enjoy life even more. Health and fitness can also help improve your sex life by giving you the strength you will need to last longer during sexual intercourse.
Eat a balanced diet and include lots of fruits and vegetables in your meal. It is also important to limit your alcohol-intake as it may decrease sexual arousal. Based on research, too much alcohol may cause erectile problems for men and women may experience difficulty in reaching an orgasm.
Check with your doctor
Due to the aging process, there are a lot of things that can interfere with being sexually active. As you approach your golden years, you may experience more and more physical ailments like high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes and other medical conditions, which can make you less interested in sex.
Medications may interfere with sexual function as well. If sexual problems, including erectile dysfunction, arise due to these conditions, consult your doctor to receive proper medication. Be sure to discuss your medical condition, any prescription questions or possible medication side effects with your physician. It is advisable to take your partner when you talk to your doctor so you can both understand and learn how to resolve the your sexual circumstances together. By doing this, not only will the both of you become more understanding of each other's needs and limitations, but also sex and the relationship will become more meaningful and special.
Keep that spark alive
Spending quality time with your loved one is the best way to keep the spark alive. Try to set aside time for each other so you can do things together. Perhaps watch a movie, go out to a romantic dinner, plan a weekend getaway, or simply cuddle in bed. Try to remember the feeling when you first started dating and the things that made you fall in love with each other. These things will definitely help set the mood.
As you get older, you need to be aware and ready to adapt to the changing needs of your bodies in order to make senior sex more satisfying and enjoyable. Remember, age should not be a hindrance to having an active and satisfying sex life.
Copyright © 2009 La Dolce Living, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve is a professional musician. A man in his 50's, virile yet sensitive, he is sexually compulsive around fetishistic sex. Since his early teens, Steve had masturbated nearly every night before going to sleep. As he matured, his need for masturbation increased until he was masturbated five or six times a day. He found that if he did not act on these urges, he would remain "horny" all day, which would make him restless, distracted, and irritable. When asked about his masturbatory fantasies, he related that they centered on feet, stockings, worshiping at the feet of a dominant woman to whom he would avow love, and visiting professional sex workers to whom he would also confess love.
By his mid-twenties, he was routinely acting out on these fantasies. Again, if he did not act out his sexual fantasies, he would become very uncomfortable and would be unable to focus on anything except playing music during the day. When the Internet became available, he started spending multiple hours each day surfing the net, looking for fetishistic images to which he would masturbate. Stating that he was never interested in "fucking real women", he was eager to view websites that featured feet, legs, stockings, heels and dominatrixes.
When he would begin a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman, he would vow to stop acting out with aberrant sex to devote his attention to the girlfriend. He could, however, never bring himself to tell the "real girlfriend" he loved her. Within a few months after he began a relationship, he would lose sexual interest in his partner and the relationship would fall apart.
At some point, he started using telephone sex services. He would enjoy having elaborate fantasy relationships with the workers and would often "fall in love" with one of them. When he had "maxed out" his credit cards, he applied for new ones and then ran them up their limits. He got behind in the rent, and the power company threatened to cut him off unless he paid his bill. Socially isolated, deeply in debt, and about to lose his job, Steve realized his preoccupation with sex was ruining his life, but he felt powerless to change his behavior. Moreover, he was fighting the urge to visit a dominatrix/transvestite which he felt was a significant increase in the level of deviance he required to achieve sexual satisfaction.
He also was beginning to sense that pornography and phone sex no longer excited him as much as they used to. Increased levels of novelty, excitement and risk were required to achieve orgasm. At the same time he had met a woman whom he greatly admired, but for whom he had no sexual feelings despite her very real physical attractiveness. When he lost interest in her sexually and episodes of emotional intimacy would provoke anxiety, he began to examine his relationship patterns. Fearful that he was perpetuating his life-long pattern of not being able to be sexual or to have loving feelings for a real woman, he was concerned that yet another relationship would painfully fall apart. This, combined with persistent job jeopardy and chronic debt, propelled him into treatment.
Steve was the youngest child in the family, with a sister who was five years his senior.
His sister was a bit sadistic, tormenting him with teasing when he began to develop sexually. He relayed an incident wherein he had given an ID bracelet to a girlfriend and his sister confronted him about the missing bracelet at the dinner table which incited fear in him about his projection of his mother's enmeshed and hysterical reaction.
His mother, it seemed, was the stereotypical "Jewish mother." She was adamant that he not see girls who were not Jewish (and most of his girlfriends were not). When starting treatment, Steve relayed that he had a very "loving" relationship with his mother. She would tell him that she loved him "every 10 seconds" and would incur his guilt about abandoning her whenever he made an effort to explore his interest in girls. As treatment proceeded, he began to realize that a fear of engulfment was an underlying factor about his anxiety about true intimacy and was able to connect this to his relationship to a mother who was too insecure to allow him to become his own person. He spent his childhood feeling that he could not retain a sense of himself and still maintain his relationship to mother, whom he put on a pedestal. Unable to risk his mother's emotionally abandoning him, he clocked himself in an armor of a "false self", which was a people-pleasing self. Constantly seeking validation from the outside, sexual approvable and acceptance from sex workers made him feel real, vital and alive. It defined his identity.
His love and need for mother represented a conflict for him. At some point, he began to realize how emotionally arbitrary his mother was. He could never trust her telling him that she loved him "every 10 seconds" because she would act differently from one moment to the next, giving Steve mixed messages. What disturbed him most as a child were his mother's rage attacks, which were unpredictable and could be triggered by almost anything. Inevitably, whenever Steve would make an attempt to appropriately separate from family, his mother would rage about an unrelated event. He sometimes would feel "crazy" by his mother's enmeshment and abandonment patterns.
Steve's father worked in the hardware store that his father (Steve's grandfather) had started and had successfully run until he sold it to cover his gambling debts. Steve's father had intended to save his money and eventually either to buy out the hardware store's current owner or else to open his own store. After many years, however, he was still working for little more than minimum wage, while the store's owner would regularly rebuke him for not having his father's knack for hardware. Steve's father was not ready to be a father when Steve was born. Steve understood that his father was planning on leaving his mother but could not bring himself to leave her with two small children. Steve came to blame himself for being responsible for holding his father in a marriage he did not want to be in. Later he realized that his father would not have had the guts to leave. Steve noted that his father never stood up for himself or for his family, and that he never stood up to Steve's mother. While his mother held Steve up on a pedestal, she, at the same time, demoralized his father with her constant belittling about his failure as a man.
Steve's father died from a heart attack when he was 13. Steve felt nothing about the loss and when he went back to school he never told anyone about it.. About a year later, his mother was hit and killed by a bus after Steve asked her if she could walk the dog as a favor to him. He had wanted to stay home to look at internet porn and masturbate.
Extremes of parental depravation or indulgence have devastating effects on a child, and it is not surprising to find this dynamic in the backgrounds of many sexual compulsives.
In addition, he had a weak connection to a vulnerable father to whom he felt a guilt-inducing tie for "holding" him to a torturous marriage to a woman who loathed and belittled his manhood. There was no port in the storm for Steve; no sustaining environment where Steve could develop an arsenal of task -orienting coping strategies. Nor did he have any social connections that could have compensated for the lack of balance and consistency required for the development of a solid, adequate sense of self. Like many sexual compulsives, he sexualized his family-of-origin conflicts and developed an internal "split" to abide an unbearable childhood psychic reality.
As an adult, he felt he lived in two worlds - not unlike a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome. There was a vacillating connection between fetishistic love objects in his fantasy world where he could express none- threatening love feelings and "real" women who were his companions and intellectual equals, although he held no erotic feelings for them. He could remain alive and vital enough to succeed at a competitive career in the music industry by remaining in a dissociated "erotic haze" which served to regulate the amount of intimacy he could tolerate. The sexually compulsive person therefore frequently alternates between the isolated and anxious clinging to both the "fantasy" love object with whom he feels safe but dehumanized, demoralized and fraudulent, and the "real" woman with whom he feels emotionally vulnerable, terrified of engulfment and de-erotized.
In addition to a lack of self care and the repetitive, impulsive choices that result in damaging consequences to the self, the person enslaved by compulsive sexuality is ill- equipped to value, comfort, soothe, and care for his authentic self. Indeed, he has no authentic self because he has never separated from his family-of-origin. The lack of care and nurturing from a mother who only saw him as a "need-supplying object" for herself is his basic trauma and is acted out sexually as an adult.
With this case in mind, let us pick out specifically what makes for a description of a sexually compulsive person.
Solidifies his identity
Is illicit, stolen, or exploitive
Draws on fear for excitement
Reenacts childhood traumas
Disconnects one from oneself
Creates a world of unreality and fantasy
Is self-destructive and dangerous
Uses conquest or power
Serves to medicate and kill pain
Requires a double life
Is grim and joyless
Mistakes intensity for intimacy
Requires novelty - intensity always has to be more than the last "hit"
Gives way to self-hatred, loneliness and despair.
Has no sexual "boundaries"
Uses false intimacy as a way to avoid relational pain
Preoccupation and ritualizations
Is "doing to" someone
Is devoid of communication
Has no limits
Benefits one person
Is an uncontrollable energy
Is emotionally distant
-Behavior leads to increasingly negative consequences but addict unable to control acting out
-Denial of the behavior's seriousness.
-Is the product of intense, unmet needs, coupled with the demand for perfect fulfillment and control of relational pain.
-Demands that life provides an illusion of reassurance and predictability by getting self-centered physiological relief.
-Is always a narcissistic endeavor - people are seen as "need-supplying objects", not as real human beings; more interested in getting than giving.
-Is ephemeral - physical orgasm provides a welcome rush of adrenaline, but by itself can only offer the brief illusion of intimacy and belonging.
-Sex is a conquest and abates the terrifying sense of not belonging.
-Sexual fantasy conjures up a perfect world of nourishment, love, generosity and tenderness.
-Are trapped in the paradox of being terrified of loneliness even as they act in ways that create further loneliness.
-In fantasy sex, have the freedom to be vulnerable and nurtured without fear. At it's core, sexual fantasy is a worship of self.
-Carry a sense of parental betrayal; parents unable to provide a positive role model of healthy intimacy.
-Have no ability to regulate their emotions from within.
-Risk relationships, financial loss, job jeopardy and physical safety.
-Possesses a set of irrational cognitive distortions, including "Sex is my most important need"; "I am basically a bad, worthless person; no one could love me as I am;" "My needs are never going to be met if I depend on others;" "I am valuable only if I am sexualized; being sexually desired makes me feel alive;" (Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sex Addiction)
-Have deficits in the areas of social skills, interpersonal communication, stress control, anger management and empathy for others.
-Learned in childhood that feelings are dangerous, so learned how to mask their feelings, even from themselves.
-Sexual addiction is not a moral issue; it is a coping mechanism born from childhood wounding.
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Opening a gentlemen's club takes a lot more than just having beautiful girls to grace the stage. Today's strip clubs are high caliber, eccentric cabarets, which combine fantasy, hospitality and sizzling entertainment. The media, as well as Hollywood have collectively worked into our conscious images of smoke filled, seedy joints, where gangsters and criminals gather. The industry has changed a lot since the 80s and 90s; and bar owners have discovered running a clean, friendly establishment makes their adult entertainment venues more attractive to both men and women alike. In fact, many of the best hotels along the Las Vegas strip now offer topless shows, complete with professional choreographed dances, topless revues and acrobats. The trend has caused traditional strip club owners across the country to offer great food, fantastic wine selections, and of course, top notch entertainment.
The very first think to considering how to open your strip club is to consider a location. In my opinion, it's a good idea to find a building which is close to expressways and major intersections. It's also wise to find a building which isn't too far away from hotels, restaurants and of course, convention centers. There is a good chance the community you chose to open your bar will frown upon a strip club in the area. This is why it's absolutely critical your club should offer clean, adult entertainment, with lots of hospitality. If you are lucky enough to open a club near other businesses, make sure to join the local chamber of commerce. Commit to being active in your towns community by attending local board meetings, making donations to local social causes, and by strictly adhering to the laws and regulations in your club's municipality.
A lot of new club owners wonder how to attract new dancers. My best advice is to not take financial advantage of the strippers. Many club owners try to charge their entertainers an unbelievable amount of money to work; and nickel and dime them for every little thing. Charge a house fee which is reasonable, and don't over fine the girls. The strip club industry is a very small world, and strippers are quick to share information about different places. Additionally, providing a fun, safe place to work will naturally increase the amount of exotic dancers on your roster. Try placing an ad on Craigslist or in your local paper for new entertainers. Another option is placing an employment page on your strip clubs website. It takes time, but after a while the amount of exotic dancers at your club will increase.
Having your own strip club can be a lot of work. Like any other business, it takes planning and patience. Getting it off the ground may be difficult, but your goal should be figuring out how to make it thrive over the long haul. Done correctly, your new strip club can be a clean, exciting and highly profitable business for years to come.