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While it is painful to even think about, you’ve started to have this nagging suspicion in the back of your mind that your husband may be cheating on you with an escort in Atherton . Whether he heads out late at night to run ambiguous errands, comes back home and immediately heads to the shower, or returns home appearing to have already showered at a different location — these are the signs that led you to believe your husband may be engaging in extramarital infidelity with a Atherton escort.
What is important to know with this type of activity, in general, is that seeing an escort agency in Atherton is not usually one of the first steps of extramarital infidelity. If your husband has been, in fact, seeing an escort — there is a good chance that he has a history of unfaithfulness to one degree or another. As an example, before man would visit a local Atherton escort, it is likely that he has a history, generally a long history, with pornography in general. In addition to viewing pornography, there is also the chance that these men have used various websites, such as married but looking websites, adult chat rooms, escort websites, and so forth, before they have actually met up with an escort agency in Atherton .
However, because men who visit Atherton escort agencies oftentimes have a long history of deviance from their marital vows, online infidelity investigation services can help to uncover both the types of websites that your husband has visited as well as potentially catching them trying to solicit an escort.
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Active adult retirement community or active adult living communities are getting popular day by day. More and more adults and senior people above 55 prefer to move to these active communities. This is because of the availability of enhanced and entertaining lifestyle for seniors at these places.
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The best part of joining these communities for adults is the community of people they get all around. The people here shares common interests and lead happy and healthy social lifestyles. Well balanced and organized social activities make them fit and healthy and they live their rest of their life with extra peace and comfort.
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Steve is a professional musician. A man in his 50's, virile yet sensitive, he is sexually compulsive around fetishistic sex. Since his early teens, Steve had masturbated nearly every night before going to sleep. As he matured, his need for masturbation increased until he was masturbated five or six times a day. He found that if he did not act on these urges, he would remain "horny" all day, which would make him restless, distracted, and irritable. When asked about his masturbatory fantasies, he related that they centered on feet, stockings, worshiping at the feet of a dominant woman to whom he would avow love, and visiting professional sex workers to whom he would also confess love.
By his mid-twenties, he was routinely acting out on these fantasies. Again, if he did not act out his sexual fantasies, he would become very uncomfortable and would be unable to focus on anything except playing music during the day. When the Internet became available, he started spending multiple hours each day surfing the net, looking for fetishistic images to which he would masturbate. Stating that he was never interested in "fucking real women", he was eager to view websites that featured feet, legs, stockings, heels and dominatrixes.
When he would begin a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman, he would vow to stop acting out with aberrant sex to devote his attention to the girlfriend. He could, however, never bring himself to tell the "real girlfriend" he loved her. Within a few months after he began a relationship, he would lose sexual interest in his partner and the relationship would fall apart.
At some point, he started using telephone sex services. He would enjoy having elaborate fantasy relationships with the workers and would often "fall in love" with one of them. When he had "maxed out" his credit cards, he applied for new ones and then ran them up their limits. He got behind in the rent, and the power company threatened to cut him off unless he paid his bill. Socially isolated, deeply in debt, and about to lose his job, Steve realized his preoccupation with sex was ruining his life, but he felt powerless to change his behavior. Moreover, he was fighting the urge to visit a dominatrix/transvestite which he felt was a significant increase in the level of deviance he required to achieve sexual satisfaction.
He also was beginning to sense that pornography and phone sex no longer excited him as much as they used to. Increased levels of novelty, excitement and risk were required to achieve orgasm. At the same time he had met a woman whom he greatly admired, but for whom he had no sexual feelings despite her very real physical attractiveness. When he lost interest in her sexually and episodes of emotional intimacy would provoke anxiety, he began to examine his relationship patterns. Fearful that he was perpetuating his life-long pattern of not being able to be sexual or to have loving feelings for a real woman, he was concerned that yet another relationship would painfully fall apart. This, combined with persistent job jeopardy and chronic debt, propelled him into treatment.
Steve was the youngest child in the family, with a sister who was five years his senior.
His sister was a bit sadistic, tormenting him with teasing when he began to develop sexually. He relayed an incident wherein he had given an ID bracelet to a girlfriend and his sister confronted him about the missing bracelet at the dinner table which incited fear in him about his projection of his mother's enmeshed and hysterical reaction.
His mother, it seemed, was the stereotypical "Jewish mother." She was adamant that he not see girls who were not Jewish (and most of his girlfriends were not). When starting treatment, Steve relayed that he had a very "loving" relationship with his mother. She would tell him that she loved him "every 10 seconds" and would incur his guilt about abandoning her whenever he made an effort to explore his interest in girls. As treatment proceeded, he began to realize that a fear of engulfment was an underlying factor about his anxiety about true intimacy and was able to connect this to his relationship to a mother who was too insecure to allow him to become his own person. He spent his childhood feeling that he could not retain a sense of himself and still maintain his relationship to mother, whom he put on a pedestal. Unable to risk his mother's emotionally abandoning him, he clocked himself in an armor of a "false self", which was a people-pleasing self. Constantly seeking validation from the outside, sexual approvable and acceptance from sex workers made him feel real, vital and alive. It defined his identity.
His love and need for mother represented a conflict for him. At some point, he began to realize how emotionally arbitrary his mother was. He could never trust her telling him that she loved him "every 10 seconds" because she would act differently from one moment to the next, giving Steve mixed messages. What disturbed him most as a child were his mother's rage attacks, which were unpredictable and could be triggered by almost anything. Inevitably, whenever Steve would make an attempt to appropriately separate from family, his mother would rage about an unrelated event. He sometimes would feel "crazy" by his mother's enmeshment and abandonment patterns.
Steve's father worked in the hardware store that his father (Steve's grandfather) had started and had successfully run until he sold it to cover his gambling debts. Steve's father had intended to save his money and eventually either to buy out the hardware store's current owner or else to open his own store. After many years, however, he was still working for little more than minimum wage, while the store's owner would regularly rebuke him for not having his father's knack for hardware. Steve's father was not ready to be a father when Steve was born. Steve understood that his father was planning on leaving his mother but could not bring himself to leave her with two small children. Steve came to blame himself for being responsible for holding his father in a marriage he did not want to be in. Later he realized that his father would not have had the guts to leave. Steve noted that his father never stood up for himself or for his family, and that he never stood up to Steve's mother. While his mother held Steve up on a pedestal, she, at the same time, demoralized his father with her constant belittling about his failure as a man.
Steve's father died from a heart attack when he was 13. Steve felt nothing about the loss and when he went back to school he never told anyone about it.. About a year later, his mother was hit and killed by a bus after Steve asked her if she could walk the dog as a favor to him. He had wanted to stay home to look at internet porn and masturbate.
Extremes of parental depravation or indulgence have devastating effects on a child, and it is not surprising to find this dynamic in the backgrounds of many sexual compulsives.
In addition, he had a weak connection to a vulnerable father to whom he felt a guilt-inducing tie for "holding" him to a torturous marriage to a woman who loathed and belittled his manhood. There was no port in the storm for Steve; no sustaining environment where Steve could develop an arsenal of task -orienting coping strategies. Nor did he have any social connections that could have compensated for the lack of balance and consistency required for the development of a solid, adequate sense of self. Like many sexual compulsives, he sexualized his family-of-origin conflicts and developed an internal "split" to abide an unbearable childhood psychic reality.
As an adult, he felt he lived in two worlds - not unlike a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome. There was a vacillating connection between fetishistic love objects in his fantasy world where he could express none- threatening love feelings and "real" women who were his companions and intellectual equals, although he held no erotic feelings for them. He could remain alive and vital enough to succeed at a competitive career in the music industry by remaining in a dissociated "erotic haze" which served to regulate the amount of intimacy he could tolerate. The sexually compulsive person therefore frequently alternates between the isolated and anxious clinging to both the "fantasy" love object with whom he feels safe but dehumanized, demoralized and fraudulent, and the "real" woman with whom he feels emotionally vulnerable, terrified of engulfment and de-erotized.
In addition to a lack of self care and the repetitive, impulsive choices that result in damaging consequences to the self, the person enslaved by compulsive sexuality is ill- equipped to value, comfort, soothe, and care for his authentic self. Indeed, he has no authentic self because he has never separated from his family-of-origin. The lack of care and nurturing from a mother who only saw him as a "need-supplying object" for herself is his basic trauma and is acted out sexually as an adult.
With this case in mind, let us pick out specifically what makes for a description of a sexually compulsive person.
Solidifies his identity
Is illicit, stolen, or exploitive
Draws on fear for excitement
Reenacts childhood traumas
Disconnects one from oneself
Creates a world of unreality and fantasy
Is self-destructive and dangerous
Uses conquest or power
Serves to medicate and kill pain
Requires a double life
Is grim and joyless
Mistakes intensity for intimacy
Requires novelty - intensity always has to be more than the last "hit"
Gives way to self-hatred, loneliness and despair.
Has no sexual "boundaries"
Uses false intimacy as a way to avoid relational pain
Preoccupation and ritualizations
Is "doing to" someone
Is devoid of communication
Has no limits
Benefits one person
Is an uncontrollable energy
Is emotionally distant
-Behavior leads to increasingly negative consequences but addict unable to control acting out
-Denial of the behavior's seriousness.
-Is the product of intense, unmet needs, coupled with the demand for perfect fulfillment and control of relational pain.
-Demands that life provides an illusion of reassurance and predictability by getting self-centered physiological relief.
-Is always a narcissistic endeavor - people are seen as "need-supplying objects", not as real human beings; more interested in getting than giving.
-Is ephemeral - physical orgasm provides a welcome rush of adrenaline, but by itself can only offer the brief illusion of intimacy and belonging.
-Sex is a conquest and abates the terrifying sense of not belonging.
-Sexual fantasy conjures up a perfect world of nourishment, love, generosity and tenderness.
-Are trapped in the paradox of being terrified of loneliness even as they act in ways that create further loneliness.
-In fantasy sex, have the freedom to be vulnerable and nurtured without fear. At it's core, sexual fantasy is a worship of self.
-Carry a sense of parental betrayal; parents unable to provide a positive role model of healthy intimacy.
-Have no ability to regulate their emotions from within.
-Risk relationships, financial loss, job jeopardy and physical safety.
-Possesses a set of irrational cognitive distortions, including "Sex is my most important need"; "I am basically a bad, worthless person; no one could love me as I am;" "My needs are never going to be met if I depend on others;" "I am valuable only if I am sexualized; being sexually desired makes me feel alive;" (Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sex Addiction)
-Have deficits in the areas of social skills, interpersonal communication, stress control, anger management and empathy for others.
-Learned in childhood that feelings are dangerous, so learned how to mask their feelings, even from themselves.
-Sexual addiction is not a moral issue; it is a coping mechanism born from childhood wounding.
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Because your wife or girlfriend will be free to become as involved as she is comfortable with, visiting a swinger's club is ideal for her to explore the Swinging Lifestyle. There's no pressure to participate in any activities unless she wants to, and she can choose to just watch and or be watched. It's also a great opportunity to see for herself how couples in the Swinging Lifestyle treat their partners and how they interact with others. Here are a couple of tips to help you have a great night:
- If this is your first time at a swing club go there to socialize, meet people and get comfortable. To minimize any pressure you may be feeling, go with minimal expectations of actually having sex with others. In general, most people do not wind up having sex with anyone their first time at a swing club. Couples who set high expectations when they first get started are often disappointed. If by mutual agreement things go further than you expect, then it will be a pleasant surprise.
- Before you go your wife or girlfriend will probably fret a little over what to wear. Whatever she wears, your job is to reassure her and tell her she's beautiful. Even though it seems like such a simple thing, it can make all the difference in her confidence level.
- Promise her that if she gets uncomfortable at any point and wants to leave, you will do so immediately with no arguments and with no questions asked.
- Women are usually more nervous about the evening as first time visitors, so it's especially important for you to not add fuel to your wife or girlfriend's nervous fire by bouncing off the walls with the thought of fulfilling all your fantasies. That way she's not worried that you'll dive into the first orgy you see!
- Making friends is the key to good swinging, so don't hesitate to introduce yourselves. You never know if that nice couple you meet will be your first swinging encounter! The sooner you speak to other couples, the sooner you will get to know people and the sooner they will get to know you.
- If you feel shy or awkward about just walking up to someone you'd like to meet, ask the club staff to introduce you to other couples. They're usually very eager and happy to help you feel comfortable.
- Tell others that you are new to swinging. There are lots of experienced couples who would he happy to show you some gentle loving and caring.
- At the very least just plan to have a fun and adventurous time out in a sexually stimulating atmosphere and have great sex together afterwards!
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The pelvic floor is a large hammock or sling of muscles stretching from side to side across the floor of the pelvis in both women and men. It is attached to the pubic bone in front, and to the tail end of the spine behind. The openings from the bladder, the bowels and, for women, the vagina, all pass through this hammock.
The correct anatomical name for these muscles are the pubococcygeus muscles, but nowadays they are more commonly called the pc muscles, or even more commonly, the pelvic floor muscles.
Sometimes they are referred to as a single muscle, but it is more actually more accurate to talk of them in the plural, as there are a number of muscle groups that together make up this muscle sling.
Many women are aware that they should exercise these muscles but very few do it regularly and successfully. Most women who have had children will have been advised on the importance of pelvic floor exercise to restore muscle tone after childbirth, and muscle strengthening was identified as an appropriate treatment for stress urinary incontinence back in the 1950s.
It was during the development of an exercise program for urinary incontinence that an interesting side effect was observed by Dr Arnold Kegel, the originator of these exercises. He claimed that women doing his exercises were finding it easier to reach more frequent and more intense orgasms.
To understand why, consider what happens in your body when you experience an orgasm:
- Your heart pumps faster and your breathing gets heavier to fuel those tensing muscles.
- Hormones are pumped round your brain and body, telling you this is enjoyable.
- Blood is pumped to your genitals to create the tension that will ultimately trigger a pudendal reflex (muscular spasm of the genitals).
- That reflex will result in your pelvic floor muscles contracting between five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals, which is what we know as orgasm.
So when you consider that the essential experience of orgasm is focused on the pelvic floor muscles, it isn't surprising that exercising and strengthening those muscles might make for more and better orgasms.
The association between strong pelvic muscles and improved sexual response and pleasure, led sex therapists to recommend pelvic floor exercises (or kegel exercises as they are known in the US) to clients, and earned them yet another name: "the love muscle".
So how do these exercises help to increase sexual pleasure?
- The pelvic floor muscles are directly responsible for the amount of sensation you feel during intercourse, and for the amount of grip felt by your partner. So although an exercise regime for these muscles has the same physiological benefits as exercising any other muscle, the spin-offs are much better.
- Exercise improves muscle tone which means that the muscle is tighter, so is stretched more by an erect penis.
- Strong, firm muscles have more nerve endings, and more nerve endings mean more sensations for you during sex.
- Exercise improves circulation, and this is particular important for the smaller muscles of the pelvic floor, which are responsible for engorging the clitoris when you are aroused.
- Rhythmic contractions of these muscles contribute to arousal and to many women's ability to achieve orgasm. Many women report they are able to reach orgasm more easily, and that their orgasms are more powerful, after a pelvic exercise program.
So why wait to start exercising? It takes approximately 12 weeks of regular exercise to make a real difference, so start now, and within three months, a better sex life could be yours!